A Very Interesting Heli Skiing Trip

So, I work for a helicopter company that does heli skiing in the winter. I very often dream about work.

This time was much much different though.


You see, since I've started work, I've really really wanted to get out heli skiing, but I've yet to get the chance.

This dream was pretty awesome, but it sure turned strange fast.



The helicopter lifts off, and everyone has their boards strapped on ready to jump out. As soon as we reach the peak, Bruce (the pilot and my boss) says, GO OR I'LL KNOCK YOUR HEADS IN!

We all jump out fearing Bruce's wrath. Were ripping down the mountain at mach 1 and my soul is just on fire. All of the sudden, out of freaking nowhere theres a huge waterfall in my way that definitely is NOT frozen!

I magically conjure up a parachute (obviously, what could be more effective than a parachute when your about to drown?) and strap it on. I take one look at the waterfall, and attempt to jump over it on my snowboard.

As soon as I jump, the helicopter shows up and I jump inside! Wooooo safe from drowning!

Nows where it gets strange.

Bruce turns around and says, alright ready to get soaked? I look down, then back up at him, then down at me again and I'm wearing a wet suit and have a tube in my hand. Cool, instamorph into more awesome extreme sports!!!  

Now, we're on this river, its definitely not in the mountains, more like Brazil? Definitely somewhere tropical. The back of the helicopter opens up and I get all pumped up and ready to go flying into these huge white water rapids.

I jump out.

Water everywhere.

Salty in my mouth. Blech. (I think I was thirsty in real life at this point)

So, here I am on this tube, speeding down a river and all of the sudden another waterfall shows up! Oh dammit! What the f do I do now?


Apparently I still had my parachute.

I pull the strap, land safely at the bottom of the water fall and am back on track in the rapids!  This goes on maybe six times, I'm really unsure how I had that many parachutes....

Annndddd crazy scene change out of no where! I'm back on the mountain and Bruce is telling me to get in the chopper so we can leave!  I grab my board and get in.   Now I go to strap in, but apparently have only one binding.

Now, I'm a decent snowboarder, but heliskiing with one binding? Yikes.

All of the sudden Bruce says alright, ready for the drop!?

All the adrenaline junkies on board cheer, I go NOOOO BRUCE I HAVE NO BINDING.....

He doesn't here me, and pulls the helicopter up so that everyone on board falls out onto the mountain. (Safe eh?)

So here I am, plummeting to the ground with one binding.           I actually managed to land, only to smash into a tree and wake up seconds later.



All in all, I hope that if I get to go heli skiing next winter, it does not turn out like this.

Labyrinth

I seem to have this recurring dream.  

I'm trapped in a labyrinth. Not the awesome kind of labyrinth that I end up meeting David Bowie in, but a Nightmare Before Christmas crossed with The Secret Garden and a little bit of Harry Potter thrown in there.

Anyways, as I'm walking down this terrifying labyrinth of doom, all I can think about is labyrinth seals (probably because I can never remember how they work). All of the sudden, I just start full out running, maybe something was chasing me, maybe I just like to run because I can actually breathe in my dreams, who knows?

I come across this door hidden in all these dead vines (here's where the Secret Garden comes in). Now, I think to myself, should I open this door?........


Then I wake up.



Unfortunately, I've only gone through the door once. And it was a bad move for my dream self to make.

I opened the door, and fell through a massive pit that seemed to never end. Unlike a lot of the dreams that I have, I didn't hit the ground hard enough to wake me up. Instead, I hit the ground hands first (not breaking my wrists! Woo dreamland!) and its pitch black.

A light comes on. I look down.



Faces, everywhere as far as I can see are decomposing faces, as if they've been cemented into the ground.


Then I wake up. Generally to terrified to go to sleep again.


So, I've been trying to figure out what this all means.... maybe I don't open the door because I know whats inside it, or maybe my life has turned a new direction and the door represents anticipation of the future?  


All I know is that I have some crazy dreams......

A Battle of Epic Proportions

Last night I shot Danny McBride.

No, not literally.

This is my first post so I'll give you the LD, I've been having really bizzare dreams lately. They've been so vivid that I've been able to remember almost every detail. They might entertain you, they might disturb you just keep in mind that they're just dreams!

So it started out like this;

A friend of mine was entered into some sort of pageant, and I was grabbing her pretty red dress "winners" dress for her from her house. On my way to meet her I get a phone call that her car has broken down so she hi-jacked a snowplow so she wouldn't be late. There's snow all over the road so it makes sense right?      Anyways, I met up with her at a gas station and instead of taking my car we take the snowplow, which at this point has transformed into a semi truck with a snowplow on the front. I hop inside, and there's Danny McBride (Pineapple Express) and my friend.

I think to myself, AWESOME DANNY FREAKIN McBRIDE!!! Then the thought crossed my mind, wait... why is Danny McBride in my friends hi-jacked semi/snowplow?  Oh well. We start to go.

All of the sudden, my friend has morphed into the evil version of Liam Neeson (Taken) who has apparently gone insane and smashed our truck plow into a post and starts scream, "ONE OF US IS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!"

So, me, apparently being a master debater convince Liam Neeson that its Danny McBride who is supposed to be dead. McBride says, "Well shit."   

Now, I've been charged with the task of making sure that Danny McBride is dead. I convince him to leave the truck (which has now morphed into some sort of shack similar to those on the oil rigs) where apparently there are several vicious dogs. He steps outside, Neeson and I high five. 

Seconds later, he's back in the snowplow/semi/shack saying there's no dogs outside. So, I take him back outside with a gun in the back of my pants like a straight up G.   He turns around, I point the gun at him.   He says, "You'll have to defeat me first!", in a Russian accent all of the sudden. Then, BLAMO!!! Without any warning he pulls the craziest gun out of NOWHERE and starts shooting at me and launching RPGs with the same gun!

In this dream, I apparently have much quicker reflexes than in real life, like Matrix worthy. I dive behind the shack, and can hear Neeson laughing his head off from inside. Now I have to use my wits to outsmart Russian Danny McBride and his gun o' doom.

Here's what I do, dive around the otherside of the shack, he fires another RPG, I run around the otherside, another RPG. He seems to have unlimited ammo and I have only a few shots. So, I assume that McBrides' vision is based on movement much like a T-rexs. I sneak on top of the shack almost ninja like, and aim.  

I shoot Danny McBride in the face 6 times (Rule 4, Double Tap) and he goes down. What do I do afterwards? Fist pump dance and say Arnold Schwarzenegger numero uno!

And then my cat Roulette jumps on my head and wakes me up.

Talk about crazy.

To Danny McBride, just incase you happen to scan the internet for your name and stubble across this by accident, I'm sorry I shot you in the face in my dreams.

Liam Neeson, You're crazy man!

Ummmm.....I don't know how to end this so..... THE END!